Most of It Is True

by Rachel Zylstra

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about

Most of It Is True is a first 'mass produced' outing for me when I was but a burgeoning young songwriter-performer hungry to debut a distinctive catch-all demo to my newly inhabited world of New York City.

Released in 2005, it includes recordings from years prior, made in different settings, during and after college, all learning, all growing, and marked by full heart enthusiasm, fresh creative songwriting, and a gorgeous work of art CD cover and packaging designed by Joe Spix (who in fact won the 2015 Grammy for Best Recording Package for Pearl Jam's latest album).

A decade after its initial release, I thought it was time to make Most of It is True available, with all its wrinkles and charms, in digital download form.

credits

released October 15, 2005

All songs © 2005 Rachel Zylstra

All songs written by Rachel Zylstra
All piano, keyboards, and vocals by Rachel Zylstra

Sound mastering by Tom McGrath
Album art and design by Joe Spix for Waytojoe Design

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Rachel Zylstra New York, New York

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Track Name: Lost
I wasn’t looking for it when you came back into my head
What have I done to make me want so badly what I can’t have
When just the passing thought of you becomes my only thought
I feel it consume me till I am cold as once was hot

While I make myself an idol of hazard and desire, the night gets deeper, cold gets colder, and I’m running out of fire. The lights aren’t working in this big old house. Got to light a match; am I the ash that remains when flame expires

I know I’m lost
I’m looking the wrong way
I want something costing more than I would ever dare to pay
How do I satisfy this burning need

Against most odds, against the norm, against good will; against the law handed down and written on our faithful hearts – I am drawn to you
You are on to me

If not these words, the law, the love; if not the spirit, if not our lives and factors we can’t change
I’d be gone for you
I’d hold on for you

I know I’m lost
I’m looking the wrong way
I want something costing more
Than I would ever dare to pay
How do I satisfy this burning need

And what’s the use of writing about it with all my heart, when there’s no way, no better way to aspire to
I feel the waves roar through my heart at just the thought that I’m the tempest inside you, too

Now I wonder if you see me – do I ever come to mind
A faint regress on an autumn’s day or a flicker in the night
What lies beyond that conscious change of thought
Point of no return
We’ll never learn

Good for you, my dear; good for me, I guess; we may have failed on a dream but I think I’ve passed the test
And though I am without you, I’m still compelled to count you among the ones who are like the one I’d like, the one I long to be with someday

I know I’m lost
I’m looking the wrong way
I want something costing more
Than I would ever dare to pay
How do I satisfy this burning need

And what’s the use
And what’s the use
What’s the use
Track Name: Shiver
You brushed the snow off my coat; don’t you think I didn’t notice
You took that sparkle in your eye and faced up to make it seem it came from watching the sky
And sure there was a shooting star, streaming through the stillness on a winter night
But darling it wouldn’t be magic
If you weren’t here

I have wished for a night like this to be right like this and in time for Christmas
Who could feel this swept away on a dry summer day when you don’t get shivers

You took my hand as we walked; mittens and all I still felt your touch
I saw you looking down as you spoke, as though this could be a joke, the moon and you and I
And sure if we’re playing a game then it wouldn’t be the same without some strategy time
But even when we said that we should turn in – we didn’t

I have wished for a night like this to be right like this and in time for Christmas
Who could feel this swept away on a dry summer day when you don’t get shivers
Here in the dark, in the crisp, cool crystalline warmth of your reach, of your breath, of the air so clear
We could walk all around, anywhere, I don’t care, just don’t stop walking with me
Walk with me

With every moment that passes, I’m close to relaxing within your hold
You heard me, just a sweet embrace and I’ll close this case, all the cards I’ll fold
Dear, I am dreaming, waiting for angels’ interceding as we stop and smile
Making my dreams come true may just be part of your style

I have wished for a night like this to be right like this and in time for Christmas
Who could feel this swept away on a dry summer day when you don’t get shivers
Here in the dark, in the crisp, cool crystalline warmth of your reach, of your breath, of the air so clear
We could walk all around, anywhere, I don’t care, just don’t stop walking with me

Don’t stop walking with me
Don’t stop walking with me
It feels so good to shiver
Track Name: The Prince
I’m the girl, I’m the foil
I’m the fool that made you sweat
I’m in love in November and I didn’t get out of bed
Until I’d waited, anticipated
You’d come around

You’re the jack, you’re the tom
You’re the rebel for your cause
You’re in love and I think it’s wrong
While you still proudly flash your flaws
And she’ll be waiting, anticipating
You’ll come around

And I’m still here, hanging around
Pretending I don’t care just what happens to you
But it’s a lie; you really make me angry
And still all I want to do is get as close to you
As you’ll let me get

If you’re a prince, I’m a witch
And I would cast on you my spell
But you’re a cad and I’m naïve
Through my savings down the wishing well
Because I’ve waited, anticipated
You’ll come around

If you’re a prince, I’m a witch
I would cast on you my spell
But you’re a cad and I’m naïve
Through my magic down the wishing well
Because I’ve waited, anticipated
You’d come around
Track Name: Living in Fantasy
I can guess how you’ve been feeling
And I’ve been waiting, and I’ve been dreaming
And now I’m second-guessing, wondering if I’ve been
Living in fantasy

This little spill I took changed my position
A turned page, a new transition
If I thought I could predict what will be
I was living in fantasy

Just a coffee date but we were out to lunch
Shocked to hear the words that fell from the other’s mouth
And I don’t know where it leads from here
We are living in fantasy, dear

And I’m smiling to myself when I’m alone
Thinking about how being near you felt like home
Your reciprocation has the ring to me
Of living in fantasy

This girl’s got chances
This girl can sing away regret when given that grace
She’ll expertly lose then save her face
Oh won’t you talk to her

This girl’s got problems
This girl’s got shame and aggravation buried deep
She’s got a million reasons why she shouldn’t sleep
But she takes naps

If you don’t bother, it won’t matter
And I’ll return here a little faster
Back to ordinary thoughts and concrete things
Back to reality

Maybe these series of frustrations and mistakes
Could just lead us into a special state of grace
Maybe you’re not the one I thought you’d be
I was living in fantasy
Living in fantasy
Track Name: Go Around
GO AROUND

This desperate behavior is my vice
I find myself grasping for the lifesaver
Even in a most peaceful situation
I’m am convinced of no peace

I go around, I go around making no-meat excuses
I go around and about, twisting my head into knots
I go around and I suffocate my good intentions
Oh won’t you tell me when’s the last time I made
A practical suggestion

How do I rehearse this indignation?
Perhaps with a haughty glance, or an insincere invitation
I’m getting held up in all the trivial things while meaningful communication
Lies just beyond my means

So I go around, I go around making no-meat excuses
I go around and about, twisting my head into knots
I go around and I suffocate my good intentions
Oh won’t you tell me when’s the last time

I wish that I could be a little bit wiser
I could refrain from getting into mayhem
Now I am shrinking from all of my illusions
Don’t mind my head; tomorrow I’ll cloud up again

This desperate behavior is my vice
I find myself grasping for the lifesaver
Even in a most peaceful situation
I’m am convinced of no peace

I go around, I go around making no-meat excuses
I go around and about, twisting my head into knots
I go around and I suffocate my good intentions
Oh won’t you tell me when’s the last time I made
A practical suggestion
Track Name: Fortuneteller
You watch it
You have nothing but a dream just yet.
Harder times are still to come.
Balancing between two parts of reality, misanthrop[es] lurk and you yourself might be

All too wrapped up in later journey’s treasures still unknown
Noticing not the boulders blocking your path on the road
You step in the footsteps left by those who walked before
Without them you lose your way.

I once was someone made of grand illusions too
In dark days that tolled my soul
A lone blade, I bent whichever the wind blew
No direction and no concept of the word

Ever imagining that I controlled my own free ride
Then it began with one still voice I carried deep inside, saying

In the meantime you are guarding your romantic dream
Never growing with the knowledge things aren’t as they seem
You may find your strength to fail you at the final test
If you do not strike your pride and face your own weakness

Your grace and your poise and intellect are all intact
You think that these make you strong
You’ll waste it if you conveniently forget the fact
Whatever has brought you here has brought you here thus far

What you have learned here you must not discard or leave behind
Far greater forces will unlock these mysteries in your mind

In the meantime you are wasting all that you obtain
Not accepting that the more you give, the more is gained
When the righteous travelers seek the road that leads them home
When the highway crumbles, seek the narrow path alone

You watch it
You have nothing but a dream just yet.
Harder times are still to come.
Track Name: Time Like Snow
I’ve left you waiting, wanting for a better me
A more tenacious me who lives courageously
I know I’m lacking, lacking of some holy thing
I’ve got the will for it
But it does its own thing

My days are numbered, time slips by like snow
That melts on my windshield as I drive myself home

You’ve seen me falter, seen me fall perpetually
And still you’re there for me, jogging my memory
I know I’m halting, holding back from loving you
To let that very act drive everything I do

My days are numbered, time slips by like snow
That melts on my windshield as I drive myself home
I start to wonder, holding fast the wheel
When it stops falling, how will I feel?

I ache to sense it, to breathe in change come over me
To feel the scales fall
To blink my eyes and see
I ache to feel it, to know my place and flourish there
To wash your feet
With my hair

Let me listen not to my own foolish wants
They’ve led me nowhere, run me down in fits and starts
Let me open, cut me like a surgeon’s knife
Empty me for your good
Fill me up with your life

My days are numbered, time slips by like snow
That melts on my windshield as I drive myself home
I start to wonder, holding fast the wheel
When it stops falling, how will I feel

My days are numbered, time slips by like snow
That melts on my windshield as I drive myself home
I start to wonder, holding fast the wheel
When it stops slipping, how will it feel
How will it feel
How will it feel
Track Name: Into This Town
You ask me what’s my name
I answer honestly
You look at me as if I just got off the bus yesterday

I know I’m welcome here
And yet I feel a chill
The city opens like a rural mile
On a cold but sunny day

I came into this town
The lights and nighttime air
The parks and palaces of endless style beckoned me

With just a cautious smile
And faith escaping words
Or kind description, just hoping to listen
And be heard

What have I found, you ask, and I say that
It is finding me
Play another club
Drive another beat into the heart of my insecurity

Is it the faster crowd
Or is it the average joes
Who make the moments out of certain songs fit their own

Maybe it’s both today
Just sing them anyway
In hopes that there might be within the pulsing crowd a single heart
Whose melody sounds a lot like yours did tonight

And what have I found, you ask, and I say love, that
It is finding me
Play another club
Drive another beat into the heart of my insecurity

And what have I found, you ask, and I say love, that
It is finding me
Play another club
Drive another beat into the heart of my insecurity
Track Name: The Answer Lady
I would say I am nice, I have got a beautiful heart, I give good advice, use my head and always think smart
What is so hard about that?

When I do bad things, it is just a lapse of good sense. I wear many rings and live behind a white picket fence
Come over for coffee and chat

Bring me your gripes, bring me your fears, I’ve got an answer pat
Have a croissant, stay for a meal, but don’t you think that I don’t know how you feel
‘Cause you needn’t know the answer to that.

Do you know my son Jonathan – isn’t he an awfully bright kid – plays in marching band, and at state the judges He did impress as the best at the tuba
And my girl Madeline has a little gig of her own: last week she was seen modeling at the local fashion show
She’s gonna be the next Cindy

Bring me your gripes, bring me your fears, I’ve got an answer pat
Have a croissant, stay for a meal, but don’t you think that I don’t know how you feel
‘Cause you needn’t know the answer to that.

I one time saw a film about people poor and ill
I got scared – good thing I brought a mask for my eyes
And the plastic ran through just fine.

Now you think I am bad, summoned up to illustrated trite
Just a comic book version of the guilty socialite
Well what is so wrong about that?

Who’s to say (-not me-) what is right and what is all wrong
I am trapped as well, stuck inside this stupid preachy song
And what can I do about that?

Bring me your gripes, bring me your fears, I’ve got an answer pat
Have a croissant, stay for a meal, but don’t you think that I don’t know how you feel
‘Cause you needn’t know the answer to that.

If all your gripes weren’t all my fears, I’d have an answer pat
This world is round, my husband makes some hundred grand and if there’s more to life than mouth from hand
Well I do not have the answer
I do not have the answer
I do not have the answer for that
Track Name: Another Again
Your hand on your face, you lean back
You’re taking it in
Another reminder, another again
The insights keep coming, without end

And you love to listen, and I watch
I’m taking you in
I’m absorbing you again
Another reminder, another again
The wonders keep coming, without end

Your face breaks a smile, you’ve relaxed
Your laughter I love
Another reminder, another because
The reasons keep coming, and I can’t get enough

Your eyes rest on me, and I crave
Your tender devotion, your sweet embrace
Another star falling, another request
Move me from dreaming, move me at last

And on and on and on and on and on
I keep dreaming of you
And I’m afraid there is no cure; this longing will always be a part
Of loving you

Your eyes rest on me, and I crave
Your tender devotion, your sweet embrace
Another star falling, another request
Move me from dreaming, move me at last

Another reminder, another choice
To fall in your company, to hear your voice
Another arrival, another excuse
Whatever you give me, I cannot refuse
No I cannot refuse

Just another reminder
Just another again
Another again
Track Name: So Fair
Think I’ve got a reason to sing again. Think I’ve got a reason to sing again
You are so fair

Think I’ve got a reason to sing again. Think I’ve got a reason to sing again
You are so fair

I drive away in the morning, and come back afternoon
I drive away in the morning and come back home to you
Bliss, bliss is coming home to you

Think I’ve got a reason to sing again. Think I’ve got a reason to sing again
You are so fair

Think I’ve got a reason pick up my pen again. Think I’ve got a reason to write again
You are so fair

I drive away in the morning, and come back afternoon
I drive away in the morning and come back home to you
Bliss, bliss is coming home to you

Think I’ve got a reason to sing again. Think I’ve got a reason to sing again
You are so fair

Think I’ve got a reason pick up my pen again. Think I’ve got a reason to write again
You are so fair

You are so fair…
Track Name: Game
I have got a feeling
That you and I are gonna get along just fine
I met you on Thursday
While you were wearing jammies, sittin on your front porch
You said your name was Boo Lou
And I mighta took it as a terrible sign
And thought you were an odd duck
But instead I said, “Well you can call me Boo Lou, too”

See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you and I are the same age and I live just down the street
See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you’re my neighbor two doors down, why don’t you come around

Welcome to my front door
We can take our shoes off and we’ll go in our socks
You want something to eat?
Well here’s a rubber chicken and an oatmeal bar (don’t really eat the chicken)
Beware of my big brother
He might try to sneak up on us like he is a fox
But otherwise he’s not so bad (as long as you never have to
Ride with him in a car)

See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you and I are the same age and I live just down the street
See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you’re my neighbor two doors down, why don’t you come around

We could play Detective in the attic
We could plenty 20 in the yard
We could play The Tripping Game in the hall
We could play Sick Turtle Hospital
We could play Lava on the staircase
And play a million other new games – it doesn’t matter
But the best games are the ones that we make up

See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you and I are the same age and I live just down the street
See ‘cause I got a game that takes two people to play
And you’re my neighbor two doors down
You’re my neighbor two doors down
You’re my neighbor two doors down
Why don’t you come around